If I could take it all back
by PKbodyrockin
Summary: "I felt myself begin to drown in his bright blue eyes. They were so full of life and fire." Oneshot, Ness POV


_A/N: General warnings for bullying. Also I don't own earthbound, thank god._

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><p>It all started when we were kids. The playground was always sunny, there was grass around the sandbox, the sound of children's laughter was ever-present. I saw him sitting there, making a sand castle. It was far superior to the pile of sand that I had created. I stood up, walked over to him, and kicked it down. When I saw I'm later, he was crying to his mom about the sand in his eyes.<p>

—

Then we went to the same elementary school. It was 3 stories tall with maroon carpeting. I wasn't the best at school, but he was. We were in the hallway once, before lunch, with all of our classmates there. My friends egged me on and I shoved him into a locker and dropped his books, which made everyone else laugh. I did that every time we were in the hallway together. As time went on, I became more cruel, and I noticed him skipping school more and more because of me.

—

Then we went to high school together. The front of the school had a grass lawn that the stoners would sit on during the afternoon. We were in history class one day, listening to a lecture about the time of Napoleon Bonaparte's conquest. He was taking notes quietly on the desk next to mine. It was nearly silent in the classroom aside from the teacher. I pushed his books off his desk. For the rest of the year he sat in the back of the classroom.

By the end of senior year I barely saw him, and when I did, he avoided me like the plague.

When senior prom happened, I saw him in a suit for the first time. He had gone stag with a few of his friends and was wearing a black tux with a blue vest and blue cuff links. The DJ was blaring fast paced music and the lights were enough to make someone see stars when they closed their eyes. I walked over to him from across the ballroom. Everyone was dancing and watching me. I had a cup in my hand when I approached him. He turned away from the conversation he was having and looked at me with questioning eyes. I hesitated, the feeling of stares bearing into my back distracting me. I finally got up my nerve and...

Poured punch on his head.

That was the first time I saw him cry since our time in the sandbox.

I felt something then.

Time passed, I would catch glimpses of him, and each time, I would feel my heartbeat get faster. It was so confusing. Days would pass that I didn't see him, but not a day went by that I didn't think of him.

I would search for him in class, and when he caught me staring I would glance away. I found him on Facebook, but his account was private. I felt so lost.

One day in science, we were required to do a presentation on an aspect of the earth we're passionate about. When he was called, he stood up from his seat hesitantly. I was staring at him and he glanced at me before quickly looking away, intimidated and frightened by my stare. He made his way to the front of the room with his project in hand. It was a conch shell. He began to speak about marine biology and the ocean's currents. And then suddenly I felt myself begin to drown in his bright blue eyes. They were so full of life and fire. It was the first time I had ever seen him like that.

Weeks passed, and now I am completely and utterly in love with him.

—

The day of graduation I saw him smile for the very first time; When he got his diploma. A smile of relief for the end of school life in this town that faded into fear when they announced that he and I were to be attending the same college. When I saw that look, my hands turned cold, and I didn't know what to do.

I confessed to him that day, by the bleachers.

"I love you, I'm so sorry for everything."

He wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry but... I just can't forgive you. It's time I moved on from here."

My heart broke. I deserved it.

I couldn't take back all of the years. I wished I could, I wished so desperately that I could take back every mean thing I'd ever said, every malicious thing I'd ever done, but he was right. There was no taking it back, and I needed to move on.

—

We went to college. There were palm trees on campus that people sat and read under when it was sunny. I was majoring in sound mixing. He was majoring in marine biology.

I saw him on campus sometimes. He had friends. He seemed happy.

I had friends. I was happy.

But I didn't ever move on. He never left my heart, no matter how much I tried to force him out. It didn't plague me, it didn't take over my life, but there was always a nagging feeling in the back of my head, an annoyance that he wasn't here with me. I didn't know if that nagging feeling would ever leave.

—

I approached him again a year later. He was sitting on the grass outside of the art building.

"Lucas?"

I saw his smile fade when he looked up at me. It was the same as in high school.

And my heart broke for a second time.

—

The next year I was at a party at a fraternity house off campus. The music was booming and there were cups and drinks spilled all over the floor. People were dancing and the smell of pot was permeating every corner of the house. I saw him across the room, passed out on the couch, a cup still in his hand and beer poured all over his chest.

I pushed through the sea of people between us, stepping on spilled drinks along the way, and lifted him off the couch. I stepped into the cold outside air with him in my arms, my shoes stuck to the patio with beer.

I brought him back to his dorm room and set him on his bed. I put a glass of water on the night stand and left.

—

I saw him around campus a few more times. We both had work study in the library, but we never talked. I noticed that he liked mystery novels.

—

Two months after that, he showed up at my apartment. I opened the door, surprised, and saw him standing there, smiling nervously.

"...I think I'd like for us to start over."

And my heart swelled.


End file.
